SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO SCREAM, 'SHUT UP!'

I've been home bound since 3/14/2020 and my dear sweet hound has a developed a piercing whine...  She wants to go out and knows that I'm not going to stop work to do so...  And, like a toddler, that whine gets more intense, more piercing and pathetic until I put my phone on mute and scream, "SHUT UP!'

Right now, today and every moment, I feel that same anger rising and I just want to scream, "SHUT UP!' to so, so many people - the Covid-19 deniers, under-players, the just let them die so we can't get back to normal folk, the "it's a media construction meant to destroy the current President" and those racially motivated attackers.  Yeah, I've reached my limit.

I am an Interfaith Minister.  My Vow is simple:

I stand for Peace.  I will not be silent on what I see are injustices.  I vow to remain humble and honor that I am not always right.  I vow to use my words carefully to raise these issues up to the light so that they can be seen and heard.  I vow to use my energies to encourage others to think critically, to question a "reality" that may not be defined by what is in their heart and to guide them to be the change they want in the themselves and the world.

It is this Vow that prompts me to comment on social media posts and it is this Vow that pushes me to write this post.  And it is my Seminary training that encourages me to see others just as they are, to accept differences and to guide spiritual growth as directed by the one wanting to grow. It is this Vow and my training that are battling for dominance... 'cause I want to scream - just SHUT UP!

Here is another conundrum...  I am angry at myself for finally allowing myself to be so angry.  I keep wanting to select the non-existent WTF button on so many posts.  And yes, I want to scream, really scream when the President and his cronies speak.  My anger towards those who do not see anything wrong in what he is doing has become palpable.  

And do you know what, that anger is like a high school crush... it is highly unlikely to ever go anywhere but random words written on the cover of a school book.  It just emotion swirling in the ethos, never landing but always an ache felt in a deep emptiness.  

There are so many things I can rant about but today brought two very similar themes - one from an evangelical preacher and another from an agnostic.  They are not the only ones floating this on the internet.  I use them because they are at opposite ends of the spiritual scale.  

You see, they believe that there is some media conspiracy to bring the economy down, to hurt the President's re-election, that the flu has killed more than COVID-19, that the shelter-in-place orders are overkill and should be removed and let people go back to work and if people die, so be it - people die all the time. That is it in a nutshell.

Now where is the WTF button again?  Right, this is a writing, not a Facebook post. 

The anger bubbles like lava with an eruption nearby.  Then the Minister in me kicks in...  Maybe I'm wrong.  What if they are right? Hmmm, what would be a good test of their belief?  Got it!

If you are willing to volunteer one weekend as a receptionist in an Emergency Room and are willing to support doctors, nurses, respiratory therapist who are actively putting their lives at risk in a COVID-19 unit.  And if you actually do it, then I will honor you even if I still don't agree with you.  By volunteering, you are actually saying that you may die and are willing to die for the economy.   

Those people who "die all the time" should not be the health care workers who have no choice but to show up and who will show up if its you who ends up in the ICU.  They won't be cavalier with your life even if you want to be cavalier with theirs.  And, the anger in me doesn't want you to have it both ways.

And it is that anger that drives me to prayer.  I pray for kindness - that you are kind, that you may not believe but you will act-as-if just in case to save my brother, niece, cousin and sister and all those other folks working to save you.  

I pray for compassion - to know that all of this negativity, name calling and blustering is rooted in fear.  You may be fearing the loss of money and others something else.  

And I pray for peace - that my anger is just a phase of loss, that I can be a vehicle for love even if I am a human with human feelings.  

Mostly, I pray to end suffering - the agnostic's, the preacher's, the sick and all the ramifications of this disease and all the suffering that came before COVID-19 which still exists.  

Now, don't get me started on the culture of extreme positivity...  Right - end with prayers for peace - we got this!