ANGRY ELF!

So I spent many a year dealing with my "anger" issues.  I smiled when I wanted to scream. In negotiations, I got what I wanted more often than not by pushing, prodding and relentless badgering. Things had an intensity that far outweighed any potential disastrous results. Everything felt like a life and death battle - win or perish.

Gotta say, the result of all those battles, all those perceived threats and all that intensity was a lonely, fearful life always on guard... just waiting for the house of cards to fall.  And, you know?  A healthy, happy life can not be sustained if one is living only to control the next disaster...

So why is everyone so ANGRY? {rhetorical question}

I'd love to blame it on the new Administration, but alas, this has been building up far longer than the 2016 election.  Our rhetoric has gotten so ugly that even well constructed arguments often have hate and anger built in.

One poster (with well over 1,000 friends) touted the strengths of the very recent pick for the Supreme Court and then added - "But the main reason why I know the pick is brilliant is that liberals are apoplectic over it. "  I was confused on why he'd be happy that "liberals would be apoplectic over it".  {another rhetorical question.} It's a comment that is intended to inflame in what otherwise was a well constructed opinion

It's almost surreal.  It's like there is an alternate universe out there spinning good things into bad.  And, when there is something really good, something so inherently impossible to make bad someone in the alternate universe connects the goodness to an unrelated bad.

Has a ROBUST veterans program

Was not illegal!

Here is a meme, one of many that get posted everyday.  It must feel good to the poster that they had a say, but what did they say?  Do they know that Starbucks has a great program to hire vets and provide resources for their families?  Sadly, they post without research.  Oh and before you get all high and mighty, I see this type of unresearched inflammatory stuff from the other perspective.  BTW, DT's mother was not illegal!

 It's like the anger, the life and death daily battle I waged in the past is now Americana.  Do we need collective therapy?  Do we need to spend hours shopping for the right self help book?  Do we need a good 12 step program for being addicted to our own opinions?  Or do we simply need to let go of being right and pray to be open to other ideas.

Anger will not change anyone.  Battling is all about winning or losing.  What if we engaged someone in conversation and I mean conversation, not holding silent while another talks until we get to talk.  I mean listening to understand and holding the belief that letting go of an idea or perceived truth is not loss but gain.

Of course, all this is incredibly easy IF I listen to you AND you believe everything I say AND agree that it is the real truth.  Oh my, that would be easy...  but that too is living in an alternative universe.

Alas, social warriors (lower case or capital letter types), this may be a time of name-calling and personal attacks.  Key word is "may".  I encourage all of us to take the tenacity of our past and calmly pray for the goodness of humankind.  If Americana needs a bit of self-help and therapy, maybe our role is to be it's counselor by helping it find its way without fighting to win.  We can guide it with information, truth and kind persistency.

OK, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that I often reach for the non-existent  WTF icon...  I am still human!  Now, let's do that thang!

WHY I MARCH...

Paypal alerted me that I purchased 3 bus tickets, the payment was accepted and that I was officially traveling to Washington DC to participate in the Women's March on Washington.  The anticipation, the thrill and the sense of purpose filled my body and soul.  I would make a difference.  I would no longer be silent.

Standing up and out!

Some want me to make this a protest against the incoming administration and to show contempt for their cabinet selections.  While I do not agree with much that has happened and am often reaching for the non-existent WTF button on Facebook, I do believe in our Democracy and in the Republic for which I stand.

Naive?  Never take this belief as validation of any wrongs done past, present or future.  Never! 

I march because, inherent in that belief, is the importance of free expression of THE PEOPLE!

I march because I am a single white woman who stayed silent for too long.  I stayed silent because my career said that I had to fit a certain mold or it would be a narrow one.  I stayed silent because I harbored fear that if I exposed myself, I would be labeled, ostracized and yes, even hurt.

And, I also stayed silent because I liked you.  I liked you who surprised me with your votes.  I liked you even when you posted fake news and unresearched or validated statements.  I even liked you who knew that blatant lies were passed as truths even when we could replay the lies over and over again on tape and in writing.  I was confused and concerned but liking you tempered my comments and quieted my speech.

I march because I cannot be silent any longer.

Sometimes service is not gentle!

Most, if not every, major faith tradition and spirituality has a teacher or a deity that preaches compassion and charity towards the poor, the sick and the suffering.  Charity is not always about giving money and being done with it.  Charity is also about giving your time to help those who want to better themselves and to support those that are suffering.  It is also about how we speak and act in this world.  Hate and hateful language has no place at all.

I march because I need our government to remember THE PEOPLE count.  I need me as a person to count.  I march because I need for the people to remember that the people count.

I march for dignity, respect and honor for all people.  And, our legislators need to know that we will no longer be silent.  We will no longer be silent and our voices will continue to rise until you acknowledge that we have been heard.

PRAYER - HMMM, DOES IT WORK? HOW?

As as little girl, I prayed for a pony.  I prayed that God would see me doing good things, being a good girl and reward that goodness with a pony.  Years passed and I stopped praying for a pony. 

Others convinced me that God was too busy to give out pony presents and that pony prayers were self-centered and wrong... One should only pray for Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Humankind and maybe the health of an Aunt, Uncle, Cousin or Friend.  Prayers were for others, not for me.

So what is Prayer?  Who does one pray to? 

I am a God-based person so I pray to God.  There is a belief "out-there" that the term God is for a being that can not be named.  But as humans, we find it difficult to be with things unnamed so we name them - God, Yahweh, Allah, Jesus, Divine, Great Spirit, Spirit, Universe, Higher Power and so many more.   For me, God is some "thing" - a power that is greater than the self. 

My concept of prayer has aged like a fine wine.  I do want things - a new sale, healthy animals, good energy and the most present - the feeling that ALL will be ok.  You know, the trust factor.  I am now allowed to ask God for things as well as for the greater good.  Prayer is a communion with God... I get to talk to him (yes, I use the male form but not convinced that God has a gender) like an old Wise Person.

Here is where the thinking comes in... the ever present pondering...  Does Prayer Work?  My obvious answer is yes but... let me review the catalyst for such pondering...

There is this prayer chain for a friend who is gravely ill.  It is likely that this person will not survive.  My prayer is for his family, his friends and for him.  I pray that there be healing and that he recovers completely.  It is what I want for him and his family.  Whatever happens, I feel that this family is bathed in love from the outpouring of message and is held and supported in the God's loving energy.

There are other prayers that make me ponder...  What happens if he doesn't make it?  Did prayer fail?  Does the person praying feel abandoned?  Or worse, will the reason that prayers are not answered because of faults from the sick?  These were two of many posts (among many) that had a "must recover" feeling (to me).

"We reverse the any curse that has been spoken against {name}.  We speak healing all the way to the marrow.  Breathe, live all the days of his life. Nothing shorten.  We claim a miracle to glorify the King of Kings.  We thank you Jesus that you are the sustainer of life.  We look to you alone.  Amen."

"Lord, we thank You that You are a healer.  Bring health and healing to {name}.  Lord we thank You that they are being cared for.  We thank you that this life is in Your hands.  Lord, we decree that {name} will live and not die and they will share the goodness of God.  We come against all schemes, plans, attacks and assignment of evil against them. Release the angels of healing to them. Release the warriors to watch over and protect them.  Give peace and comfort to the family in Jesus name."

In writing this I am in no way judging any one person's prayer.  I wonder, how do you reconcile prayer if you don't get the exact thing you prayed for?  Or commanded?

I've heard it said that God heals all.  Healing is not curing.  Curing is the removal of a disease, illness or injury.  Healing is the peace that flows into an earth-bound soul that resolves "something"... a mother/daughter relationship, the feeling of love and support where there was none, the knowing that everything is ok in a time of unrest and uncertainty and yes, sometimes healing accompanies a cure.

I did get a pony... just a mere 34 years after I stopped praying for that result.  Did God reward the good girl?  Or was my journey to owning a horse the healing that God promises.

So little time and so much to ponder...No answers, just thoughtful discourse and well, prayers for healing.

EMBRACING PRIVILEGE FOR GOOD

It's been quite a month and quite honestly, it's been an incredibly humbling time...  Wait, did I say humbling?  No, I really meant HUMBLING!

YES!

It began with a discussion between five Interfaith Seminary students about cultural and religious sensitivities as we sketched out our Worship Experience for class.  I voiced my opinion and as I talked I could hear all those statements from a "privileged" class.

That isn't too ______.  I don't think that they'll be bothered by it.

Well, some of my best friends are "____________".  (They are, but did you really just say that to justify your point?)

Really?  We're studying Interfaith Spirituality, they can get over themselves.  (Yup, I did say that.)

And, do you know what?  During that meeting, I believed everything that came out of my mouth.  There was a deliciousness in the self righteousness of those words.  "They need to get over themselves."

Waking up is hard to do!

Did I say HUMBLING?

Then those glorious, scary, exhilarating days before the election. I was going to see the first woman President and I never truly understood, until those days before, how important that was to me.  HRC was the most qualified, had been vilified by the GOP for years and finally, as luck would have it, she was running against a racist, misogynistic, narcissistic liar.  Of course, this was going to happen.  DT's lies were more than numerous, were in writing and on TV, the American people could not and would not vote this man in...  Finally...

Did I say HUMBLING?

Did you watch the Saturday Night Live skit with Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock?  If not, I would encourage you to do so... best 5 minute wrap up to Election Night ever.

I was those people every step of the way.  You see, I live in a Blue State surrounded by mostly Blue State mentality.  It's a comfortable place to live with little worry, a good job, food on the table, doing things that make me happy.    I had no idea what was going on outside of my bubble.

Did I say HUMBLING?

Folks fight the idea that they are privileged.  If you said that I was in a privileged class,  I would go on about my upbringing, my fight for education, career, what it was like to be a woman in business and how hard I worked to get to where I'm at today.  I would tell you that I know what its like to be poor, to want things that everyone else seems to have.

Running away is easy!

Yet, I am just that... PRIVILEGED.  I've never had my life threatened because of my sexuality, the color of my skin or how I prayed.  I've never known the despair of not believing that I could get ahead or that to do so, I have to leave those I love.  I've never felt true apathy because I couldn't see my way out.  I have never known hunger.

Privilege...  I can not deny it.  When I'm stopped for a traffic violation, I have the confidence to defend myself if I feel wrongfully detained.  If I'm a little short this week, I know that another paycheck is coming.  I can be heard because I do not threaten. 

Did I say HUMBLING?

We elected a President who is a racist, a misogynistic, narcissistic liar.  We did not ask him the important questions because we were entertained by his craziness and we did not really believe that he could win.  We did not demand more of him, like we have done for so many years?  What are your business dealings?  Release your tax returns so we as a Society can truly understand the man you claim to be.  We allowed the lying - the bald face abusive lies - in ways we would never allow in the past.  And we asked nothing.  We did not demand clarity. 

Did I say HUMBLING?

And I did not do enough.  I stayed in my bubble and let others do my work.  It was safe here.  I let others do the work, risk their reputations and in some cases, deal with threats and harm.  I stayed in my little privileged bubble.

Another tidbit from comedy as life...  

After the election, someone in my class said that she will still be herself but the fire has been lit and the heat is on...  For me, I will not allow us to normalize the abnormal.  I will not stand quietly aside and let others do my work.  I pray for guidance to know what my work is and that I stay balanced as I move forward.

Be it the incoming Presidency, fighting for humanitarian rights, giving money to organizations that support the environment and putting myself out there...  the fire has been lit.  And, I am not alone!

#not normal

THE AFTERMATH - WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Of course the coming election is eating up our time, our energy and, if you have a diverse group of friends good will towards others.  I am not going to go on and on about who you should vote for, that you should vote,  that you are a bad person for wanting to vote for someone who I think is wrong or even, that you're wrong for feeling that voting for anyone is making you miserable.  No, that is not the intention of this writing.

My question and the one that runs through my head more than I care to admit is, "Who will help us heal?"  No matter who wins this election, "WHO WILL HELP US HEAL?"

There may be some of you who think, "Heal from what?  If only (insert name here) won, we would be fine."  And there are others who have been so hurt, so traumatized by the rhetoric, the nasty words, the hateful ads and the images that bring up past harms, who know that to continue, we must face ourselves and seek peace.

Love...  A word filled with so many expectations, so many images and so many wants and needs.  What's LOVE got to do with it?

EVERYTHING!  How can I intentionally harm if I love? How can I ignore wrongs to myself and others if I come from a place of love?

I am not talking about wimpy love or the surface love that has no heart.  I'm talking about an appreciation of being, of life and of well meaning.

If you have been harmed, can you feel love?  That is a challenging one.  I am all for loving one another but, mentioning the name of a person in my past can still raise my hackles.  There is the dilemma.

For years, I secretly wished this person harm and reveled in their foibles.  Many a wise person suggested ways to release this anger and I would give it some thought accompanied by weak action.   You see, I didn't want the healing forgiveness brings.  I enjoyed the resentment.   One day, it occurred to me that the harm was mine and that energy held me in prison until I became willing to let it go. Like the old saying goes, "Holding on to a resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.",

Used with permission, www.connecticutphotos.com

Fear is driving this election process.  The fear of not getting, the fear that someone is getting more, the fear of losing, the fear of others and the fear that IF we moderate and negotiate, we will lose.

Strength never comes from a place of fear.  Strength is about confidence.  Your beliefs may differ from mine.  That is ok because everything I believe in is not necessarily good and right. (Ask me my opinions on this food called Scrapple.)  If we believe and yet, are willing to listen, to research and to learn, we become strong.

And, if our strength is rooted in the goodness of love (again don't ask me about Scrapple) of all beings and the earth, we will heal.  And a good healing is what we ALL need!

I STAND FOR PEACE

What will you stand for? And after a beautiful guided meditation, the words came, I stand for Peace.  And, when I stood in front of those on this journey and said those four words out loud for all to hear, I did not feel a soft sereneness or a sense of calm...  I felt charged, powerful, clear and strong.

I stand for Peace.

So, what does that mean?  Am I a pacifist?  Am I destined to stand around passing pamphlets of poetry and prose to those that walk before me?  Or am I to be that person, that coworker, that corrects wrongs, challenges prejudices or argues politics and current events standing next to the coffee maker?

And, while we're at it, what is right?  Am I to know what is right above the guy in the office next to me who fears for the safety of his 16 year old son commuting to school in the city?  What if my right becomes so strident that by its very intensity it becomes wrong?  In standing up for Peace, is it possible to cause harm? 

I stand for Peace.

Ahhh, the biggest conundrum...  what is right?  Who's right is most right?  And if I continue to use the word right, would the left feel neglected?  In all circles, everywhere, there is a sense of what is right, what should be done and how do do it.  It boggles my mind when religious, fiscal or any type of conservative or extremist can justify harm because their teachings say its right.

Oh, this sense of righteousness is everywhere.  Don't get horse folk talking about whether its better for horses to be blanketed in the winter or whether its better for horses to have shoes or go barefoot.  Those discussions definitely need a peace maker.

I stand for Peace.

There is still a charge in that declaration and I feel it down to my core.  I can not remain silent on what I see are injustices, yet I must have the humility to know that I am not always right.  If I can just be a voice that can be heard, that encourages a person to think critically, to question "reality" as defined by something other than what is in their heart, then, maybe Peace happens in a small way.

I stand for Peace.

Yeah, sounds kind of overwhelming in the "I'm-not-ready-and-the-world's-challenges-are-way-too-big" kind of way.  And I may never be that person who will move the masses but,  I can be that person that builds the energy that changes the energy in others who then may change it in more.  

On this afternoon before the Presidential Debates and a mere 6 weeks to the election, I feel the need to be the Peace that I want in the world.  Hmmmm...  that is food for thought!

SECRETING - THE TALE OF UNENCUMBERED MEN

Do they know how they sound?  Have they lost their compassion, their kindness towards others?  Can they hear their words?  Do they know that they are not alone?

It was one of those late work nights in a white collar firm...  We are thinkers, creative planners and, with information and critical analysis, we provide clients with a direction and a plan.  We are paid to tell them what to do...

Two men , admired for their intellect, kindness and great sense of humor, began a conversation about the Presidential Candidate, HRC.  And, they laughed at the videos of her "fainting", they called her Crooked HRC and they criticized her appearance, her voice and her laugh.

I wondered, who were these men?  Did they not have daughters?  Were they really going to vote for the one they call DT?  Everything that's been said, every recording there is - interviews, speeches, comments and all that has been publicly posted from and approved by DT... is all of that nothing?

We are, as a people and as a nation, losing our ability to critically think.  The videos they were watching were not from "neutral" or "trusted" sites but were from very conservative, very right wing sites.  Who are these men?

I wanted to use my voice and challenge their talk but I sat in my office and said nothing.  I said nothing...  these were not the men I knew in the daylight.  So, I remained still and voiceless...  These are men unencumbered by reason or challenge...  It would not be me tonight.  I am quiet...

And yet I railed in my head!  I ranted to the computer as I proofed my spreadsheet.  Who are these men?  And, why does November 8th frighten me so... 

Ever viligant...