THE ENEMY IS NOT YOU!

Shhhh, it’s not you and it probably isn’t him and no way, is it her…  But dear god, I want it to be someone or something so all this fear, all this anxiety and all this frustration can be turned into anger, rage and self-righteousness.  And if I can attack some thing, some institution, some person then I can control IT and IT will go away.

No, you are not the enemy, your post is not the enemy and I am not your enemy.  And somewhere in this swirling pit of information is the truth… a pure, unadulterated truth.  The enemy is a novel virus – a new, highly contagious, debilitating and often fatal virus. 

And in all of this back and forth, we should be directing our attention to the real enemy and be unified in our desire for a successful treatment and a cure.  We should be unified in our support of those essential workers keeping us fed, working in hospitals and healthcare facilities and studying the disease in laboratories searching for a cure.  Our enemy is a virus, not you.

Somewhere we lost that.  Somewhere all lives don’t matter.  Somewhere our fear turned into anger and our concern for others dwindled.  Yes, your opinion counts!  And opinions are just that – a personal reflection on something or person.  This is an opinion.  And if an opinion quotes or references facts, then those facts should be true.

There is no Uniter right now.  There is no person rising to the top to unite us against this enemy.  (OK, I do love Governor Cuomo’s daily briefings but that is NY.)  Our enemy is a virus, not you, not them.

It is fear that is driving all this division and finger pointing.  It may be the fear of dying, of getting sick, of losing a loved one, of loss of income, of loss of freedom that is driving this anger, this need to make some thing, some person the enemy.  Our enemy is a virus, not you, not them.

Are people making the right decisions?  We cannot know in the here and now.  This enemy is unknown, novel…  it’s wrath is unfolding.  Is science and medicine perfect, without mistakes?  No, but when faced with the unknown, the process of discovery has a long and successful history.  They are not the enemy, a virus is…

I don’t profess knowing what the solution is or how to bring harmony back into popularity.  What I do know is that you are not the enemy, and even if I disagree with your opinion, the enemy is the virus.  The robber of everything that used to be normal is not a human or an institution; the thief is COVID-19.

Unite against the enemy and not against your neighbor.  Demand honesty in your facts, research your posts and above all, know that the enemy is a virus and the thief is COVID-19.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO SCREAM, 'SHUT UP!'

I've been home bound since 3/14/2020 and my dear sweet hound has a developed a piercing whine...  She wants to go out and knows that I'm not going to stop work to do so...  And, like a toddler, that whine gets more intense, more piercing and pathetic until I put my phone on mute and scream, "SHUT UP!'

Right now, today and every moment, I feel that same anger rising and I just want to scream, "SHUT UP!' to so, so many people - the Covid-19 deniers, under-players, the just let them die so we can't get back to normal folk, the "it's a media construction meant to destroy the current President" and those racially motivated attackers.  Yeah, I've reached my limit.

I am an Interfaith Minister.  My Vow is simple:

I stand for Peace.  I will not be silent on what I see are injustices.  I vow to remain humble and honor that I am not always right.  I vow to use my words carefully to raise these issues up to the light so that they can be seen and heard.  I vow to use my energies to encourage others to think critically, to question a "reality" that may not be defined by what is in their heart and to guide them to be the change they want in the themselves and the world.

It is this Vow that prompts me to comment on social media posts and it is this Vow that pushes me to write this post.  And it is my Seminary training that encourages me to see others just as they are, to accept differences and to guide spiritual growth as directed by the one wanting to grow. It is this Vow and my training that are battling for dominance... 'cause I want to scream - just SHUT UP!

Here is another conundrum...  I am angry at myself for finally allowing myself to be so angry.  I keep wanting to select the non-existent WTF button on so many posts.  And yes, I want to scream, really scream when the President and his cronies speak.  My anger towards those who do not see anything wrong in what he is doing has become palpable.  

And do you know what, that anger is like a high school crush... it is highly unlikely to ever go anywhere but random words written on the cover of a school book.  It just emotion swirling in the ethos, never landing but always an ache felt in a deep emptiness.  

There are so many things I can rant about but today brought two very similar themes - one from an evangelical preacher and another from an agnostic.  They are not the only ones floating this on the internet.  I use them because they are at opposite ends of the spiritual scale.  

You see, they believe that there is some media conspiracy to bring the economy down, to hurt the President's re-election, that the flu has killed more than COVID-19, that the shelter-in-place orders are overkill and should be removed and let people go back to work and if people die, so be it - people die all the time. That is it in a nutshell.

Now where is the WTF button again?  Right, this is a writing, not a Facebook post. 

The anger bubbles like lava with an eruption nearby.  Then the Minister in me kicks in...  Maybe I'm wrong.  What if they are right? Hmmm, what would be a good test of their belief?  Got it!

If you are willing to volunteer one weekend as a receptionist in an Emergency Room and are willing to support doctors, nurses, respiratory therapist who are actively putting their lives at risk in a COVID-19 unit.  And if you actually do it, then I will honor you even if I still don't agree with you.  By volunteering, you are actually saying that you may die and are willing to die for the economy.   

Those people who "die all the time" should not be the health care workers who have no choice but to show up and who will show up if its you who ends up in the ICU.  They won't be cavalier with your life even if you want to be cavalier with theirs.  And, the anger in me doesn't want you to have it both ways.

And it is that anger that drives me to prayer.  I pray for kindness - that you are kind, that you may not believe but you will act-as-if just in case to save my brother, niece, cousin and sister and all those other folks working to save you.  

I pray for compassion - to know that all of this negativity, name calling and blustering is rooted in fear.  You may be fearing the loss of money and others something else.  

And I pray for peace - that my anger is just a phase of loss, that I can be a vehicle for love even if I am a human with human feelings.  

Mostly, I pray to end suffering - the agnostic's, the preacher's, the sick and all the ramifications of this disease and all the suffering that came before COVID-19 which still exists.  

Now, don't get me started on the culture of extreme positivity...  Right - end with prayers for peace - we got this!

HEY, WARRIOR GODDESS

In class today we were given a writing prompt (channeled writing)…  Write a letter or a song to the Divine Feminine and here was mine:

Dear Warrior Goddess,

Yeah, I'm writing to you.  You know that I love the thought of a powerful Warrior Goddess who stands tall, ready to save otherS - to protect and to serve.  That is a thought I love to think.

My issue and yes, this is what is coming up... is why can you not help us women see how we women limit ourselves in speech and mannerisms?

Why is it that we can't seem to elect a powerful Women Goddess like yourself?  Why is it that all of us - women too - see some unreachable standard that we measure everyone one up to?  Why is it Warrior Goddess that you don't show us that we are  what we should be?  Why don't you show us that beauty isn't something that leads, that strength and courage comes from within?

And yet, Warrior Goddess, we all want that power, all that strength, all that protection, the smarts and motherliness in a package that is also young, thin and beautiful?  Why can't you show us, Warrior Goddess, that being a women is power and beauty in itself.

What happened to us? I get that we, as women, are not all the same but Warrior Goddess can you not help us to come together for good.  And Warrior Goddess, at least please teach us not to hurt one another...

May there be peace, may there be wholeness and may there love...  Just sayin'

Suzanne

ON THE USE OF THE WORD "AND"

There is the meme floating about on the internet that goes like this:"If Methadone is free for addicts because they have a disease... Why is chemo not free for cancer patients?"

Freedom is more about feeling than things.

There are so many memes, comments and similar sayings proliferating out in cyberland.  I wonder if the poster truly thought about the intent when they shared its "wisdom".  In this case, were they arguing for free-health-care-for-all, a single-payor system of health care or were they saying one population was more deserving than another?

 What if the meme's message was more positive and inclusive?  "Methadone is free for addicts because they have a disease "and" since cancer is also a disease, let's work towards free chemo!"

 The message doesn't incite a them-against-us attitude and it ends in a call to action.  Unlike the other meme, there is no question, there is no sense of victimization (why is such a tricky word), there is a call to work for a solution.

"And" together we can get enough!

I'm not saying that the second meme "works" from an effective marketing point of view.   Fear and anger are effective weapons and, when you can direct these at an "enemy" then the "marketing' can draw others who are fearful or angry at that enemy.  In the case of the first meme - anger directed at the addict, the "inherent unfairness" at the "innocent" cancer patient being victimized by resources being taken from the innocent to the guilty addict.

Here, the energy builds away from a solution towards a for and against the "other" - addict or cancer patient?  What if we worked for both - the addict and the cancer patient?  Why must it be one group or another?

Ah, Americans...  is there not enough for all?  Must we always find someone to blame or vilify?  Could we look at these things, the rush of information and think, hmmm...?

I betcha if we really dig deep or if we really believed that the bucket of goodness was infinite and overflowing, we might actually find out that its true.  You can have it all and guess what, so can the person next to you on the subway.

Diving in can feel so good!

And this isn't just about one of the more milder memes but really about the whole concept of inclusion.  "And" is such a powerful word.  You and your neighbor can have it all.  We should work towards peace and harmony without demonizing a group or person to motivate us to seek solutions rather than rest comfortably with the problem.

It takes three things - 1) the willingness to look at things differently, 2) to practice drawing from the infinite bucket of goodness, and; 3) envisioning that everyone has access to that bucket and when they dip their hands in and grab a bit of the good stuff, the bucket fills and maybe, even overflows.

Reverend Suzanne
One Spirit Interfaith Interspiritual Seminary, Class of 2017

ON BEING PERFECT

Today, I want to talk to you about perfectionism.  And before you think, “Well, that’s not me!”  I want you to know I believe that it is a silent killer…  it may not be you but at some point, you will meet one, minister to one or realize that you harbor one.

24 years ago, I was an anxiety ridden workaholic.   If you told me that I was a perfectionist, I would have laughed and told I couldn’t because I didn’t do anything right. I was in such a rush to PROVE myself and for me, that meant achievements.  I could never get there because once I “got there”, the bar was raised even higher. 

I was never the best at anything, always trying to fit in and, when people did like me, I was waiting for them to find out the truth about me.  The quest to be perfect was killing me and I wanted to be dead to end the pain of disappointment and loneliness. 

You see, perfectionism is like cancer.  It may start as some abnormal cells which may or may not become toxic. But in my case, the desire to improve oneself grew until it ate away at my creativity and, joy until finally it began killing my desire to do anything but what I thought would be ok.  Until, one day, I failed at even that.

The night I broke, I wrote to myself. The title of that writing was, “Who am I?”  And, the answer that came through the tears and pain was, “I don’t know.”

It is often our attempts to be right, correct or “perfect” in another’s eye that lays the seeds of doubt in our own divine self.  Gautama Buddha has been quoted as saying:

“It is our very search for perfection outside of ourselves that causes suffering.”  

And it is that struggle to find the THING that will guide us into perfection that drives us from loving our already authentic self.  If I had a spiritual practice that involved inquiry, movement and breathwork, I can find authenticity.  Or maybe if I attend a Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance retreat, THAT will help me become more authentic. 

Therein lies the trap.  If I can seek authenticity, then I may find it someday by searching out the “THING” that will crack me open, shed some light and then, finally I am authentic.  If that is true, then the challenge becomes getting authentic enough – more perfectly authentic.  It is no longer about being me, but about seeking the “THING” that will make me, me.

EVERY faith tradition believes that there is a Divine spark in us that is God. That we are born into this world perfect.  We are the original, we are the authentic Suzanne, Richard, Natalie, Diane, Tony and every single one of us…  we are the original.   

Yet, it is often accepting the notion that authenticity is somehow equated to being perfect or right or fitting in that drives us from accepting ourselves exactly who we are.

We cannot be perfect.  We cannot achieve authenticity because we are already authentic.

Let that sink in.  There is no teacher, no practice, no book, quote or thing that will make us any more authentic than we are at this moment.  The pressure is off.  Laugh the laugh, smile the smile, let your shadow dance in its darkness… whatever it is, let it be free.  You need nothing but more freedom to be your perfectly imperfect self. 

Somewhere inside still exists my personal quest to be perfect.  Even if it is a barely noticeable whisper, it still exists because mistrust in my own divinity was taught to me, to my parents and their parents and so on and so on…

Stick with it.  Authenticity cannot be a quest, for it is granted freely by your very existence.  

Your honesty, your awkwardness, your humanity and your fallibility allow others to find their own humanity and honesty.  The most endearing human quality we have is our fallibility. And our willingness to share it, expose it and to grow from it.  And, I think, as ministers our honesty and vulnerability, is the quality that offers others a deeper level of healing. 

We need nothing but more freedom to be our perfectly imperfect selves.  

There was this wise woman who showed up in my early days of healing who helped strip away perfectionism from my authentic self.  When I made a mistake or in those early years, FAILED, she would kindly say, “Honey, all this means is that you’re human.  You are loved just the way you are.”  

What if, before you were born, your parents adhered to the advice from William Martin’s book, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching; Ancient Advice for Modern Parents.  

Make the Ordinary Come Alive 

Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

                      The extraordinary will take care of itself.

You have all you need to be your perfectly imperfect and beautiful self… 

ON BECOMING DEPLORABLE

There is this slow progression from being concerned to embracing social activism for the good of humanity into self-righteous behavior.  You often don't know it's happening.  You see, your friends feel the same way, you read articles that support your thinking and, when you do speak, you're often debating point for point and fact for fact.

Those debates feel so good.  You get braver and you move off those folks known to be moderate may have no idea on where the original statement came from.  You love a good fight, a healthy debate so you dip your "pen" in the dark, dark zones.  There they call you a BABY KILLER for doing the March.  And in another,  they call you a stupid "c".

In my America, we should wear our hats safely

You get a little frightened and you change your privacy settings.  Will they come find me?  Will they hurt my dogs?  You stop wearing your March cap even though you love the look and you think it makes you cool and cute.  Will someone say something to me if they see me wearing it?  Will I be called a baby killer or a "c"?

But, you're on the right side, right?  Of course!  Yes, I am right!

Today, at the Post Office, I became what I fear the most.

I walked in and there was a man walking out of the first section.  He had a beautiful smile - wide and toothy.  He welcomed me with that smile and a friendly hello.  I returned the same.  Then I noticed... he wore a red baseball cap.  I couldn't help myself and I peered closely at it.  There it was, "Make America Great Again".

As much I tried to hold my tongue, I heard these words leaving my mouth, "You know, I hate that hat and everything it represents."

This man, whom I already categorized and judged, replied as gently and calmly as I did, "I know and that's OK."  His smile was a little less brilliant but his eyes were bright and peaceful.  I nodded and went in.

I stopped before the door shut, turned and walked back out to him.  "I am sorry that I said that to you.  It was rude and wrong."  He smiled and said, "That's ok."

For one moment today, I became a deplorable.  And, that is never ok!

ANGRY ELF!

So I spent many a year dealing with my "anger" issues.  I smiled when I wanted to scream. In negotiations, I got what I wanted more often than not by pushing, prodding and relentless badgering. Things had an intensity that far outweighed any potential disastrous results. Everything felt like a life and death battle - win or perish.

Gotta say, the result of all those battles, all those perceived threats and all that intensity was a lonely, fearful life always on guard... just waiting for the house of cards to fall.  And, you know?  A healthy, happy life can not be sustained if one is living only to control the next disaster...

So why is everyone so ANGRY? {rhetorical question}

I'd love to blame it on the new Administration, but alas, this has been building up far longer than the 2016 election.  Our rhetoric has gotten so ugly that even well constructed arguments often have hate and anger built in.

One poster (with well over 1,000 friends) touted the strengths of the very recent pick for the Supreme Court and then added - "But the main reason why I know the pick is brilliant is that liberals are apoplectic over it. "  I was confused on why he'd be happy that "liberals would be apoplectic over it".  {another rhetorical question.} It's a comment that is intended to inflame in what otherwise was a well constructed opinion

It's almost surreal.  It's like there is an alternate universe out there spinning good things into bad.  And, when there is something really good, something so inherently impossible to make bad someone in the alternate universe connects the goodness to an unrelated bad.

Has a ROBUST veterans program

Was not illegal!

Here is a meme, one of many that get posted everyday.  It must feel good to the poster that they had a say, but what did they say?  Do they know that Starbucks has a great program to hire vets and provide resources for their families?  Sadly, they post without research.  Oh and before you get all high and mighty, I see this type of unresearched inflammatory stuff from the other perspective.  BTW, DT's mother was not illegal!

 It's like the anger, the life and death daily battle I waged in the past is now Americana.  Do we need collective therapy?  Do we need to spend hours shopping for the right self help book?  Do we need a good 12 step program for being addicted to our own opinions?  Or do we simply need to let go of being right and pray to be open to other ideas.

Anger will not change anyone.  Battling is all about winning or losing.  What if we engaged someone in conversation and I mean conversation, not holding silent while another talks until we get to talk.  I mean listening to understand and holding the belief that letting go of an idea or perceived truth is not loss but gain.

Of course, all this is incredibly easy IF I listen to you AND you believe everything I say AND agree that it is the real truth.  Oh my, that would be easy...  but that too is living in an alternative universe.

Alas, social warriors (lower case or capital letter types), this may be a time of name-calling and personal attacks.  Key word is "may".  I encourage all of us to take the tenacity of our past and calmly pray for the goodness of humankind.  If Americana needs a bit of self-help and therapy, maybe our role is to be it's counselor by helping it find its way without fighting to win.  We can guide it with information, truth and kind persistency.

OK, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that I often reach for the non-existent  WTF icon...  I am still human!  Now, let's do that thang!